Respect vs. Control: Spotting Toxic Power Plays

Respect is a two-way street. Or at least, it should be. Yet, we’ve all encountered people who demand respect while showing none in return. They dismiss your feelings, invalidate your emotions, and then turn the tables on you, accusing you of disrespect simply because you expressed how you felt. The question then arises — if I agree with them, if I silence myself to appease them, do I still respect myself?

The Illusion of One-Sided Respect

Respect isn’t something you can demand — it’s something you earn. But toxic individuals see it differently. To them, respect is a weapon, a tool to control others while exempting themselves from reciprocation. They expect you to walk on eggshells around their emotions while they trample all over yours.

This behavior often stems from deep-seated insecurity or a need for power. People who refuse to acknowledge your emotions are often uncomfortable with emotional accountability. It’s easier for them to dismiss your pain than to reflect on their own actions. Instead of taking responsibility, they twist the narrative, making you the problem for speaking up.

Do You Still Respect Yourself if You Give In?

When faced with these situations, ask yourself: What do I lose by giving in to their demands? The answer is often self-respect.

Agreeing with someone who disrespects you 'just to keep the peace' doesn't create peace — it creates self-betrayal.

You teach yourself that your feelings don’t matter, that your boundaries are negotiable, and that their comfort is more important than your emotional well-being. Over time, this erodes your self-esteem and reinforces a toxic dynamic where their disrespect is normalized and your voice is silenced.

Why Do People Disrespect Others This Way?

There are several reasons people behave this way:

• Control

  They want to manipulate the situation so they never have to be accountable for their actions.

  
  

• Insecurity

  They feel weak inside, so they compensate by asserting dominance over others.

  
  

• Entitlement

  They believe they deserve respect regardless of their actions.

  
  

• Lack of empathy

  They simply do not care how their words or actions impact others.

Regardless of their reason, the result is the same — your feelings are ignored while they demand obedience.

How to Deal With This Situation

• Set boundaries

  You have every right to express your feelings. If they can’t handle honest conversation, that’s their problem, not yours.

  
  

• Don’t engage in power struggles

  Toxic people thrive on emotional reactions. Stay calm and refuse to play their game.

  
  

• Recognize gaslighting

  If they twist reality to make you feel like you’re overreacting, step back and trust your perception.

  
  

• Walk away if necessary

  Not everyone deserves access to your thoughts and emotions. If they consistently disrespect you, distance yourself.

  
  

• Prioritize your self-respect

  Respecting yourself means standing firm in your truth, even when others try to deny it.

Closing Reflections

Respect is about mutual understanding, not submission. When someone demands respect while invalidating your feelings, they aren’t asking for respect — they’re asking for control. The real question is: Do you respect yourself enough to say no?

You don't owe respect to someone who refuses to give you respect. You owe it to yourself to walk away from dynamics that require you to feel smaller so that someone else can feel bigger. True respect starts from within.